Wednesday, January 6, 2010
This is actually not a complaint... I'm going to say something nice today. Microsoft actually got something right with a new release. In Windows 7 they fixed up Windows Explorer (which had been damaged almost beyond recognition in Vista). I've been manually putting My Computer in the Quick Launch Toolbar for over 10 years. I had to right-click it, and choose "Explore". Windows 7 has it automatically included in the QLT upon install, and requires one left click. I'm happy about that! Ok Microsoft, you're off the hook... THIS time!
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Monday, November 16, 2009
Prescription drug commercials. Why are these commercials even legal? My favorite part is the side-effects disclaimer at the end. "Ask your doctor if Crapogenica is right for you. Side effects may include smallpox, blindness, thyroid failure, complete hearing loss and sudden death. 0.00002 of test subjects did not experience noticible side effects. Crapogenica is not for people living near air. Crapogenica should not be taken with or without food. Ask your doctor about Crapogenica today!"
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Monday, November 16, 2009
When a cashier gives me my change by balancing the coins on top of the bills. What is the purpose of this? Hello, attention all cashiers! Drop the coins into the customer's hand, then give the bills. Is this really so hard to master? The cashiers are not to blame, however. The managers are. Why is it not taught to persons in training how to damn give change? Isn't this one of the basic functions of a cashier? Coins first, then the bills. How obvious. When doing it the other way around, the bills have to be held a certain way in order to "cup" the coins. It's quite shakey as well. It's a balancing act. Why? WHY!?!?
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Thurs, November 12, 2009
When people approach me while I eating and want to shake hands. Please! I am EATING! I DO NOT want to touch your hands after you just wiped your butt, picked your nose, or whatever. I am eating. I do not want to put your hand-sweat and whatever else in or near my mouth! Am I crazy or something? Shouldn't this be like universally understood?
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Greeters that say, "How are you?" as you walk into a store (Best Buy is horrible for this!). Why should I answer? It's a meaningless question asked by someone that does not care. Sometimes when I ignore them they say it again, louder, "HOW AAARRREEE YOU?!?!?" They are GETTING PAID to ask me how I am. I should get paid to answer. Or perhaps recieve a discount. Yes, to be fair I should get a discount to reply. "Good, you?" (1% discount) "Looks like rain!" (1% discount) "That game was something, huh?" (1% discount). Then I would be most happy to talk with them!
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When a traffic light turns green, people in front of me take their foot off the brake pedal and then... nothing... There's that long pause like, "Hmmm... ok, release brake pedal. Check. What was the next step? WHAT WAS THE NEXT STEP?" Fortunately for me, my car horn has the magic ability to make them remember that the next step is "Press the gas pedal." What that really so hard, people?
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People on Yahoo! Answers that ask questions like "wat id tha nayme if tha gurl in Spidurman 2?" For one, the spelling just kills me... we are a nation of idiots. Second, why take the time to log into (or create) a yahoo account, type the question and wait for the answer? Google it, idiot!
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Being blessed after sneezing. I do not want your blessings! Me: "Achoo!!" Five Other People: "Bless you!", "bless you!", etc... People, stop it! And it gets really annoying if you sneeze a second time and they go "BLESS YOU" in that high-pitched "GOOD HEAVENS, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SNEEZED **AGAIN**!" voice. And of course, it's considered rude for me to not say, "Thank you" for each blessing THAT I NEVER ASKED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE! And why is it that if I tripped on something and broke my skull open on a desk no one would bless me? What's up with that? I think I can make a valid case for being in more of a need for a blessing in that situation. But nooooooooo no one blesses me when I'm bleeding out... just a lot of people laughing at me... maybe I need new friends...
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Wed, November 11, 2009
People in denial of the true nature of their pets. Me: "Jill, you know, everytime you bring your dog Pippy over, he pees on my floor." Jill: "Oh, yes, and it's a perfect shot every time! Pippy never misses the floor, does he? Oooo woooo woooo he's such a good boy! Who's a perfect shot? Who's a good boy? Who's a GOOD BOY? Oooo woooo woooo!"
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Digital clocks that are hard to adjust. Why? If my clock is five minutes ahead, why do I have to adjust 24 HOURS forward to get to the correct time? At what point during design was someone like, "Yes, this is a good idea. We believe our customers would like to fast-forward twenty-four hours just to go back five minutes."
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Ok, here's a well-worn one that everyone talks about but I just have to say it was well: cell-phone shouters. They always try to make it sound like they are SO important, "THE THOMPSON ACCOUNT! WE'VE GOT TWO MILLION RIDING ON THIS, NICK! TWO MILLION! WE HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE AND SYNERGIZE ON THE THOMPSON ACCOUNT FOR TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" Yea, right.
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When people say, "as per." It's a redundancy, and it also just sounds wrong. In my view, one might say, "I bound and gagged our victim as John instructed." - or - "I bound and gagged our victim per John's instructions." But NOT "...as per John's instructions." It's just wrong! EVEN WORSE is when people use it followed by the name only, "I bound and gagged our victim as per John." English speakers of the world, stop this lunacy as per my request!
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People who set their cell phone ringers to the maximum volume and then just let it ring and ring when ever someone calls. No one cares about your stupid ring tone! Stop demonstrating it for us!
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When someone calls on the telephone but does not say anything substantial. Me: "Hello?" Caller: "What's up?" Me: "Oh, hi." Caller: silence. Me: "Hello?" Caller: "I'm here." Me thinking: what is the point of this f**** phone call? Caller: "I heard that!" Me: "There I go, thinking out loud again! Thanks for calling!"
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Websites (or any software for that matter) with transition animation between pages or screens. Often a fade in/out or dissolve effect, this was impressive FIFTEEN YEARS AGO! Website operators: I will not purchase anything from your website if you do this! This is one of the reasons I hate Google's Picasa software as well.
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When people say, "Don't quit your day job." What is the point of this mindless, unoriginal comment? Is this supposed to be funny? Maybe it WAS funny the first time someone said in 3000 B.C. but now it's just tired and boring. Person 1: doodles something on a piece of paper. Person 2: "Don't quit your day job!" Person 1: enjoys a song on the radio and sings along. Person 2: "Don't quit your day job!" Person 1: doing something else they enjoy. Person 2: "Don't quit your day ..ACK!!!!" (Person 1 punches person 2 in the throat).
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When people rhyme "poet" and "know it". Is this really necessary?
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When people say "hey" but make it sound like a question. Person: "Hey Lana?" Me: "Yes?" Person: "Oh, I was just saying "hey." Me: "Hey." -- two hours later we pass by each other again -- Person: "Hey Lana?" Me: "Yes?" Person: "Oh, I was just saying "hey." Me: "Hey." I mean really, if you want to say "hi" to me like ten times a day, that's cool... but stop making it sound like a question!
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When restaraunt menus have rediculous names for the food. Some things are ok, "Mom's Linguini" is fine. "Texas Fries" is ok. But "Oofie Woofie Burger" is not. It's stupid.
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People in an audience that cough loudly during moments of silence. The violin soloist is gearing up to give the performance of his/her life. The audience is hushed in anticipation. The bow is raised, about to touch the strings... *COUGH*! *COUGH*! *COUGH*! *GAK*! *AHEM*! *COUGH*! I am convinced that this is the biggest cry for attention ever. "People of the world, hear me cough! I can't play violin, but I can cough loudly when someone else is trying to! I am the cough master!"
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Guys that say, "That's what SHE said!". Really, was this EVER funny? Guy #1: "Hey, that man over there just fell down the stairs!" Guy #2: "That's what SHE said!" Guy #1 and Guy #2 together: "Hah hah hah!"
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The fact that everyone suddenly loves Michael Jackson now that he's dead. Before he died, it was like, "Oh, he's a child molester", "He's a wacko", "He went from being a black man to a white woman", "He's a homo", etc... The he dies and it's "Hush now, I'm remembering Michael", "He changed the face of pop music", "He was the greatest", etc... WTF?
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